Why I don’t smile

As of late,  teachers and friends have taken it upon themselves to tell me to “cheer up;” they keep reminding me that my application for my dream college is complete, so what do I have to complain about? Yes, anyone can chalk my attitude up to the norm of today’s youth or my ungratefulness as a teenager who is spoon-fed like a baby. However, seeing as thousands of seniors are going through the same turmoil as I am, I think it’s suffice to list our grievances as a collective whole.

Sleep is nonexistent. Working more than 18 hours during the weekend then having to get up early for school for the next five days makes me angry. I barely have time to keep up with homework from multiple AP classes and work on projects, so how could I possibly have time to keep up a smile? I’ve lost all interest in my physical appearance, so why would I make it any worse by covering it up with a fake smile? Sorry, but all my energy has been expended.

Likewise, I will be anxious until December, which is when I know if I’m going to be legally and financially bound to my dream college. My future is going to be shaped in the next month and a half or so, so I actually might forget to smile at a joke or at a friend in the hallway. Besides, my brain is filled with so much information that the innate ability to smile has been overridden.

Also, just the mere principle alone of someone telling me I should smile makes me enraged. I’m sorry, is my grumpiness dampening your otherwise bright and sunny day? Well, I guess I’m just a selfish and indignant youngster, aren’t I? Anyway, I save my smiles for rare occasions, like Christmas or a cousin’s wedding. My smiles are like currency, and I only spend them for special events because I’m stingy.

Moreover, school in general doesn’t make me happy – which is a whole idea unto itself. I have to get up early in the morning to study subjects that mildly interest me, have lunch in the morning, and be expected to be engaged in every single class. Not only do I not have enough stamina for this, but I can’t afford to expend more energy on smiling. All of this infuriates me enough as it is, so smiling isn’t necessarily at the top of my agenda.

However, I will make this one concession. The only people who could make me laugh – and make me genuinely laugh – are those who make smiling effortless. I don’t think about the ramifications of spending a smile on them because they mean the entire world to me. However, if I am truly tired, I still might be a little frugal with my energy. Sorry, guys.